At what point does the Brave Adventurer with a heart full of stories become the Jester with a bag full of gags?
I love to tell stories, that's part of who I am. But when I talk about some of the crazy things that happened to me and my best friend in college, people laugh. We laugh about these things because we went through them together, and sometimes it's easier to laugh about it than deal with the full gravity of the situation. But what most people who hear those stories and have a hearty chuckle do not get is that those things were not very fun to go through. We tell stories about small little escapades and those are told to be funny. But some of those things were tough. Stories like the Halloween we went without one of our own, and how hard we tried to get him out of jail. It was horrible feeling so useless while my best friend was kept away. Knowing we couldn't even tell him how hard we were trying to get to him. Or when I got my forehead caved in during a strike. I laugh about it because I do not want to let on how much it bothers me having a dent in my skull. How painful it was, and how scared I was when I was conscious enough to know they let me finish strike and drive home with a concussion. How badly my head hurt for days after that. The story of having to pawn our microwaves during the last week we spent in the house seems to be funny. But to us, or me at least, what it reminds me of is the fact that we were starving, and no one wanted to help us. They all laughed as we talked about trying to haggle twenty dollars out of the pawn guy, but no one wanted to help us.
Maybe I am being a bit oversensitive, but it just seems that no one understands why we tell those stories. I guess you had to be there...
My girlfriend for the Halloween weekend. We had a great time, despite the fact that she sliced her finger open while we were trying to carve pumpkins. I spent the whole weekend taking care of her. I like being able to care for her. But, part of me knows that I cannot lean on her for help. I just feel like I have no one to turn to when a problem arises. I cannot turn to her because she has such a hard time dealing with her own things. I just feel like as the strong one, I cannot make a single mistake because no one is there to catch me. I love being her knight in shining armor. It's just hard sometimes to keep my head up.
Speaking of her, I seem to be the bad guy. She told me last night on a whim that she dyed a strip of her hair pink. Anyone who knows me knows I disagree with dying hair, I believe it's the way it is for a reason. I also love the fact that she loves her blonde hair, she is very proud of it. I just see it as a contradiction of what she says and does when she talks about loving her perfect blonde hair and then mars some of it. Even if it is a temporary dye, it just makes me wonder. I see her as my Rapunzel, and this just chips away at that. Well, I told her that while I love her and will support whatever she wants to do, that I did not like it. I told her I can still love her and find her beautiful while not agreeing with every decision she makes. Well this upset her and she made an upset post on her tumblr about it. This made on of her friends mad and she told me to get the fuck out. Apparently I am a bad guy for just saying I did not agree with it. This is what seems to happen. I just express my feelings and I end up the bad guy, the villain. Same problem, new girlfriend. I guess the problem is me.
I'll just keep it all to myself. Then the only one that is mad at me is me.
