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Why can I not get these thoughts out of my head?

I feel so useless lately.  I want so badly to be out on my own, earning my place in the world.  I want to be something, anything.  I want to teach, to have a job where I work Monday through Friday.  I want to stop feeling like I am in high school again.  I hate sitting around waiting for anyone to want me.

My angel came to see me this last weekend.  It was so wonderful.  I love spending time with her.  She makes me smile so wide I think my face will explode.  I love her with all my heart.

It gets so much harder to watch her leave though.  Every time it gets worse, a harder pain to bare.

That's love right?  When a simple "Goodbye" and "See you in three weeks" tears you apart worse than any break up you've ever been through.  She said it perfectly, that it feels like when we have to part it creates this hole in your chest.  I can feel it, empty and heavy.  She takes my heart with her when she leaves, I am happy to let it travel with her.  I keep reading and hearing that eventually this passion fades.  I refuse to believe that.  I can see it getting better.  I do not see myself getting comfortable in this love, but cherishing it more and more over time.

I just cannot wait until she doesn't have to leave anymore.  Until we are together forever.  So we can run away and leave this world behind and start our own.  Until then, I will keep searching for the best way to tell her where she belongs.

"I'm lying with my sweetheart, in her arms I'll be found."

Months

So today was a pretty special day.  Today was the Four month anniversary for my angel and I.

It does not seem like it has been that long, but I guess time flies when you are madly, terribly in love with the perfect woman.  It is funny feeling so happy about four months when I know we will be together for many, much more important dates.   Forever is a long time to be happy and in love.

I know the day was important to her as well, even if she didn't remember for most of the day.  She has so much to deal with anyway.

I need a job.  Because I need to move out.  I want to be on my own again.  Badly.

Very Badly.

For my video game playing friends, Brink is fun for about the 4 hours it takes to entirely beat the game.  Maybe it'd be more fun with friends, but no one else seems to own it.

But, I have things to be happy about, so I am trying to focus on those.

For her.