The People Around Us

So I recently, I guess, I went through what I would call the loss of a friend.  It's always a sad moment in our lives when we lose friends, for whatever the reason.  However, I don't believe it should be this painful.  Sometimes friends move, or start to pursue interests that do not reflect your own, and you grow apart.  Maybe through the fault of no one, but you both get busy and forget to catch up.  I admit I am terrible about calling people back when they try to stay in touch.  Not maliciously, or course, but I get so focused on what is here in front of me, I forget to reach out to meet the ones I love.

But this time, it was painful.  I was told by a friend that we could no longer be friends anymore.  What I guess makes it worse is the fact that the reasoning behind this was that her boyfriend demanded it.  He said I was tearing them apart.  I wish I saw how, but I do not understand at all.  We were friends, yet that was unacceptable.  The only reason we had been talking so much lately is because she was trying to be there for me after a devastating break up.  Maybe it is just me, but that seems like a terrible way to try to steal someones girlfriend, rambling to them incoherently through the tears about how I'm horribly in love with someone else.

Jealousy makes us do terrible things.  I know that.  It never goes away though, no matter how hard we try to make it.

I guess it just hurts being told that they don't want to be there for you anymore.  To know that the connection you had means nothing now.  Especially being accused of trying to foul up a relationship when all I wanted, needed, was a friend to talk to.

It all comes down to what we are willing to do for others.  I know my perspective is skewn and biased because I am very selfless minded.  Not that I'm saying I have some good trait, I've just never cared about myself, but I've always cared about others.  I have had significant others that have told me not to be friends with certain people.  I told them if they could not accept me for how I am, always willing to be there for someone in need, then they could get over it.  Sometimes all someone, including myself, needs is just someone to talk to.  I refuse to let someone hurt alone because it is asked of me.

I do not want to sound whiney.  I understand why she did it.  Hell, I respect her for standing up for what she believes in.  Defending love is a noble cause, and I would never ask it sacrificed for anything.  I just wish it didn't involve losing someone I cared about.

Maybe I'm just trouble.  Everyone I try to involve in my life ends up getting hurt hurt.  I don't blame anyone that pushes me away.

For now, I'll just keep talking to the darkness.

Even if there's one less ear to listen.

I keep hearing this song directed at me.