First, I got a teaching job. I feel so vindicated that all the hard work I have suffered through is finally paying off. I got a theatre and speech position in Clarendon, Tx. It's a bit of a turn from the big city life I have been enjoying up to now, but I have a wonderful space and a house that I will be renting. It was a great feeling to be able to tell my mentor that I am finally able to make him proud. For the first time in a long time I feel unstoppable.
I have been watching a lot of tv lately. I got to catch up in Community, which if you have not, please do yourself the favor and watch it. Its a wonderfully written show with a great cast that always finds a way to stay fresh and invigorating.
I also got to sit down and watch the first season of The Killing, which has just amazed me. Its this gripping account of a murder in Seattle and all the people involved with the case. What I love most is how real all of the characters are. They all show joy, anger, frustration, and sadness in these wonderfully created arcs for each person. None of them are drop dead gorgeous models, but they are real, true, and sometimes very creepy people. AMC has been kicking so much TV ass of late. I recommend a watch.
I have been increasingly frustrated with my girlfriend lately. I just....I'm not sure what I can do for her anymore. I try to help but it never seems to stick, whenever she says she will take my advice she ends up ignoring it. She says she will do things but conveniently finds reason to never do any of them. I just do not understand what goes on with her. She cannot seem to pass some of the classes she takes, but she has all the time to have cooking parties and make trips.
Just a few months ago, it was like pulling teeth just to bring up the idea of getting to see each other but now suddenly she's taking trips every weekend. This weekend she is going to a wedding as a date of a friend. I feel bad because I don't want to be the spoiler of fun by saying I wouldn't advise going, what with her having a test Monday in a class she hasn't been able to pass, so I don't know what to do. I feel like a grinch around her sometimes, having to be the voice of reason. I just don't like the thought of her at some wedding when she has other matters to attend to.
Also, I know she will dance her heart out at the wedding. She and I have had the this talk before, but I do get uncomfortable with the idea of her dancing with all these strangers. I don't believe it comes from any controlling part of me, I have no qualms with her going to eat with a male friend or spending time with one. But I see dancing as such an intimate activity, with you being so close, touching, eyes on each other. She loves to dance so much and will dance with any guy she can get her hands on, and the thought just makes me feel so....queasy.
Sometimes I just feel like she just expects me to always be there so a lot of attention gets turned to other things in her life. The other day I called wanting to talk, and when she called me back after I missed her, she went on for over twenty minutes about herself and then said she had to go and left before I got a chance to say anything I wanted to. It is hard being the strong one in a relationship because the other person starts to think you never falter or have need of them. I just never know what to say anymore, either I am feeling like the bad guy for wanting her to focus on school or being the crutch that gets pulled out only when needed.
I just want to start teaching already. I feel like I am good at that.
