Would you please remind me?

So it is a new update without there being months in between!  Huzzah!

So, I met some friends tonight and we saw Despicable Me 2.  I liked the movie, but I do not believe it was better than the first.  It played a little too much to the zaniness of the minions (which were the best part of the movie).  They make them act so weird and this time it seems to get a reaction instead of how they just are.  However, the "I swear" moment was so incredibly funny.  I think I would have liked it better with my princess there.  It had a sweet and cute love story and if I could have held her hand and gushed I might have appreciated it more.

I got to talk to her today.  Not actually talk to her, but exchange messages.  But it was rather rapid which is what made it different.  Normally its me leaving her a long message that she responds to three or four days later when she finds the time to check.  It was nice.  Just to know for a brief few minutes we were trying at the same time.  Co-existing in some way together.

I know many people don't read this, and for the most part that's ok, it's for me most of all.  But I feel like asking some questions of a rhetorical nature.  Ever notice how the things you get so nostalgic for never seem to live up to the idea you have of them?  I was cruising around on Spotify and I got a craving to listen to Everclear.  I pulled up my favorite album and it just seemed....off.  I mean those songs got me through such a tough time in high school and yet now they seem, changed.  Better to leave the past as such in your mind, I guess there's a lesson to be learned in that.

It's hard to say goodbye though.  Especially if you never got to say goodbye really.  Not just to people, but to times as well.  It seems like I blinked and suddenly I have responsibilities and adult problems that young me just laughed at.  I think college jaded me to the fact that my life is not a movie.  In school, if I was down, inevitably someone would walk up and tell me they were looking for me and I would slowly open up and talk about my problems.  But now, I could have the worst day ever, sitting on the ramp of my loading dock at the school, and no one ever shows up.  It's just...loneliness.  Being alone.

I hate being alone.

I heard this song on pandora and it seemed very fitting for what I was feeling at the time.  What I've been feeling for weeks.

To throw my lonely soul away

So much going on, I know I should update this more often.  That's my new goal.  Get back into better shape and update this more.

I've had a bit I just want to get off my chest.

So, my princess is in London.  Has been for two weeks now.  I know it is weird but I feel so sad with her gone.  We dont really get to talk while she is there.  We have a few exchanged facebook messages but it isn't the same.  We have spent the last two years and two months getting used to hearing each other's voice before bed.  Now with two weeks without I find I cannot sleep.  Another two sound pretty awful, but the only way out is the way through, right?

I went to Florida last week and stayed for an entire wek seeing my friends that now live there.  I got the VIP treatment at Disney World, which was amazing.  I got to see all the things I wanted to, and a few things that I got surprised by.  It really is a magical place Disney, and I don't really even like Disney that much, especially as of late.  But seeing all the sights and experiencing all the rides and things to do, I was awestruck.  I admit, I was looking forward to the Star Wars things the most.  The feeling I had when we were walking into the Star Tours for the first time (seeing as we rode it several) was unlike anything I have felt.  I am not ashamed to say I cried the first time we rode it.  It was a beautiful vindication of the 26 years I have been obsessed with this universe.  That alone was worth the trip.  Then I got to go to Miami for a few days.  Miami was a lot of fun, but people there are so mean.  But I made some new friends and got a ton of pictures so it was worth the trip.  I also got my plane delayed because of a naked bolivian man in the restroom.  So there is that...

The thing is, as much fun as I had, it felt like something was missing because my princess was not there.  She is the love of my life, she completes me, so when I go through big things, and she isn't there as well, it just seems like something is missing.  Something is just not quite right.

I have realized that through my last few relationships, I have abandonment issues.  I am terrified of being left alone, of being tossed aside, of becoming obsolete.  I find it hard to believe someone loves me when I have felt it go so wrong.  At times I think to myself that thinking like that is ridiculous and I have to stop.  Other times it seems like the only thing that makes sense, especially when you live alone.

Something else has been sitting in my head as of late.  So, my princess spends a lot of time with her parents.  This is not that strange, aside from two pieces of information.  One, they do not like me much, for reasons I do not get, and they are not very nice to me.  I know if my parents didn't adore her, and were snide and not nice to her, I would tell them not to expect me around much anymore.  I mean, they are very harsh and rough on her, and I believe cause a lot of the anxiety problems she has.  So it doesn't make sense how much she wants to be around them when she seems so bothered most of the time she does.  I do want her to be with her family and I am glad she loves them so much, don't get me wrong, I just don't understand it.  Secondly, to back to the other point, I realize that we grew up differently.  I grew up with a family that loves me, but we never spent that much time together.  We didn't do much with each other but go out to eat, we stopped going to movies and things when I was in my early teens, and we never tried to make tons of time to be around each other.  I learned very young to be independent about a lot of parts of my life. She is the opposite, she and her parents do so many things together.  They are constantly making plans and trips together, communicating with each other, and tying to be around each other.  I guess what bothers me is that she is a hair away from 21 years of age, and she is not allowed to have any real plans or trips or excursions with me.  They treat her as though she is still a pre-teen, and I do believe part of it is because she has never expressed a want for change.  I just feel like we don't have a ton fo room for growth together because they still expect her to only be a part of their family.

So as for the song I want to include this time, I have something I have been really enjoying.  An old friend of mine suggested I might like this song and I have grown to enjoy all the albums of this band.  Hope you enjoy, I have.

Until next time. I'm marching up to your gates today...