Always and Forever

So many things in my life I am trying to catch up on now that I have had a moment to catch my breath.

First off, and I am a nerd, is video games.  I have been playing several games lately that have been good.  First off, my roommate and I have been playing mortal kombat like no one's business.  Sometimes it helps work out the frustration in your life to beat the hell out of someone.  I have also tried to pick up a classic and replay it, FFIX.  Final Fantasy 9 wasn't my favorite, or the best one, but it was a good game with a great story.  But recently all my game time has gone to LA Noire.  This game is amazing.  It is based in 1940s LA and is a fictional take on the lives of the detectives that worked the Black Dahlia murders.  I love history, so naturally this game interested me.  It does have problems, mostly the driving mechanism was poorly designed.  Other than that its amazing.  The game was created using motion capture technology, so half the game is based in questioning suspects.  You actually have to watch the suspects facial expression and physical tics to determine whether they are lying or not.  It's challenging but fun, I am having a good time.

Also, musically I have been exploring.  I want to move to Seattle.  I subscribe to a podcast from a Seattle radio station KXEP, and every day they add a new song.  And they are always good!  I discovered my new favorite band from this, The Thermals.  Just two guys and a girl from Portland that make some of the best, most meaningful music I've ever heard.  Every paycheck I download another of their albums.

The other night my roommates and I watched a movie that I feel has changed my life.  It was It's Kind of a Funny Story, and it was incredible.  I have this problem with identifying with characters in movies, and I connected with the main character in this one.  It's about a boy, Craig, that wants to kill himself so he commits himself into a psych ward in a hospital.  There he meets a cast of crazy people that end up teaching him about life.  The movie is wonderfully well written and made, but what made it for me was Zach Galifinakis.  He is funny in things like the hangover with his stupid comedy, but in this movie I was so impressed with his serious yet witty morbidity.  There is a scene where he loses it and it was so well done.  I guess what unsettled me so much when watching it was the fact that I have felt like Craig so many times in my life.  I have always been scared of myself, and having to confront that in a movie was hard.  I recommend it to everyone though.

I have an angel.  I have been sent an angel from heaven and we are in love.  The last couple of days have been hard because I have had a lot of problems come up, but still she is there for me and I feel better.  Her family is wary of me because I happen to be 5 years older than her.  I wish this wasn't such a big deal to some people but I understand why.  I am bothered when people say we are in different points in our lives.  The point of my life I'm at is where I am willing to fight for what I want and need.  I am happy to wait for her to graduate and pursue her dreams.  I just want to support her and be with her.  She has been hurt, then again so have I.  She does have trouble trusting in us still, but more so trusting in herself.  I've always had the problem where I am too trusting.  I have had my heart crushed, recently even, and still I am willing to give it to her.  If you shield yourself, you keep the good away too.  I'd rather hurt a million times and know I'm not hiding from myself.  But i believe in us, and that's all i need.  I love her and she loves me.  What else could matter?

Once she asked me if I would love her forever.  Without a thought, because I didn't have to think I knew, I answered "Always and forever"

She liked that.  I like her.