So, I've been spending a lot of my time alone lately, which is incredibly hard for me to handle. I'm a social person, I hate being alone. Now, I do not mean that in a dating/relationship way, I just don't like being physically alone. But for the last few nights, I've done nothing but sit by myself.
I feel like my friends are always busy. I just want someone to go out of their way for me. Maybe that's selfish, but every once and awhile I think I'm allowed to be. Things have been tough, and we are all busy these days, but no one seems to want to make time for me.
On a semi-related note, I feel like the techno-centric society we live in today makes it incredibly easy for people to be so impersonal. We are all incredibly connected, through facebook, twitter, e-mail, text, and cellphones in general. And yet it seems to much harder to get a hold of anyone these days. It's so easy for people to ignore others now. To say that you didn't get a text, or didn't see that message just because you don't want to talk to someone. It takes all the responsibility out of taking actions.
I made the mistake recently of telling a friend that I wanted to take her on a date. Now, neither of us are really ready for anything serious. I'm still reeling over my personal hurt, and she is handling hers well but it wasn't too long ago she became available, same for me as well. But, me being the moron I am, I said sometime I'd like to take her out. Well, now she hasn't answered me when I've been trying to talk to her. Maybe she's been busy or not getting them, but I feel like I've messed up. I text her the other night to see if she wanted to hang out, and I'm afraid she thinks I'm trying to move this ahead. Truth is, I miss her as a friend. And with how lonely I've been, I just wanted someone to talk to. A friend to lean on. But who knows?
Maybe it's just the loneliness talking.
Love is a gamble, roll the dice or lose your turn.
To quote the excellent Jackie Greene "I've got me a worried mind, gonna find me a worried kind of girl, who's lonesome just like me."
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